• Kaidi Bowen

THE WAITING ROOM

Updated: Jun 16, 2020

The Waiting Room

Working as an executive coach is very rewarding, and I feel truly fortunate to be enabling powerful women to tap into their brilliance. It gives my life much more meaning knowing I am making a difference to other people’s lives.

However, something has come to my attention. I keep hearing the same stories, again and again, they all revolve around the concept I'm calling the "WAITING ROOM”.

So, I want to take a few minutes to address this one story that people fool themselves into believing as it has such a detrimental effect on their lives.

Although naming it the "waiting room", it's actually a holding pattern for uncertainty.

I often hear phrases like;

"When I become more qualified, I will be ready."

"When we can afford it, we will start a family."

"If I keep working harder, my boss will notice my efforts."

And the worst one of all…

"It's my fault I'm in this situation, so I just need to be patient and wait for something to change ...."

Do you see a pattern? Basically, putting our lives on hold until the next thing happens, living in the “waiting room” throughout our life.

We all have our own beliefs, some empowering, some limiting, have you ever considered how many of them are really your own? How many could be inherited from parents, teachers and social media? Next time a belief pops in your head ask yourself, IS THIS BELIEF IMPORTANT TO ME? and IS THIS BELIEF SERVING ME? We often believe our thoughts are the TRUTH and develop our mindset around these thoughts… this is where things can go wrong.

Beliefs we form as children are usually ones created when our parents told us something for our protection. For example, we all tell our children" Don't talk to strangers" then we wonder why they grow up to be scared of networking (where of course you have to speak to strangers) I'm sure you can think of many more examples.

Recently I've observed more and more women getting into this "I'm not good enough” trap.

Perhaps because women focus so much more, on social media, this brings more prominence and attention to their perceived, lack of success in their lives. It fuels their limiting beliefs about their readiness to ask for the promotion, step forward and speak up with ideas, or to take up an opportunity. Then they miss their chance for success by NOT TAKING ACTION, instead, they just stay in the “waiting room” playing it safe.

It’s true, if you believe you are not good enough you will act like you’re not. But VICE VERSA is also true if you create a belief that you are ready you can step decisively out of the waiting room.

" But WHAT IF I'm not ready, how will this help"

Ask yourself, when will you be ready? What will being ready look like? Do you even want to be ready? Perfectionism can be very close to procrastination.

So, let's say that you have the limiting belief -" I need everyone at work to like me, this will mean I am great at my job" the idea (or belief) is stopping you from managing your team effectively.

To move past this idea, you must adopt a counter belief "I will be a better leader if I focus on managing the team with integrity and professionalism". – The reality is people will like and respect you for it. But changing your thought is just the FIRST STEP.

While some women are already on the journey to change, they journal their thoughts or ponder about their beliefs, yet they are still in the" waiting room". The only way you can move out is to take action and to start taking steps to do something in a new way. The more you practice, the better you will get.

If you are not taking action, then all your good thoughts are still just holding you in the “waiting room”. EFFECTIVELY creating a pattern for yourself of unfulfilled dreams.

If you want to help yourself to achieve new results, you can't keep doing what you've always done. I CHALLENGE YOU to step out of the waiting room. I love helping people notice when they have put themselves in the "waiting room" by choice.

I INVITE YOU to work on your thoughts.

What if, instead of hearing the negative voice in your head telling you all the adverse outcomes, you heard the voice of your BEST FRIEND or a MENTOR. What would that voice say? "You re good at what you do so it's OK to go for it " maybe?

It's true ....... WHAT WE FOCUS ON, WE FEEL

Try this:

What thought come to mind when I mention you’re trapped in the "waiting room" of your own life?

What do you believe is trapping you?

What else do you believe about your feelings?

When did you first decide this was true?

What do you believe about your life that makes you feel this way?

What if you no longer believed this was true?

What then?

What action could you take?

Do you believe you will be successful? If so

Fantastic!

You have a new belief

But remember….

To move out of life's “waiting room”, you MUST take action and be your own best friend in your head.

So, how do you learn to manage your inner voice, that “critic” that sounds harsh and tells you to wait until you’re ready, that you’re not good enough, not liked, not prepared and is cruel about your body image saying things you wouldn't want said out loud. They can be quietened.

Here's what to try:

Imagining it drifting into space getting quieter and then listen for a new voice inside you

Try writing all the thoughts you hear down on paper then locking them away Make the voice you hear into a cartoon character and separate it from you, it's moody today it's a good thing I know I've got this (Using I am, and IT is)

My favourite is to visualise a character and watch it shrink in your mind’s eye. Taking its power over you away as it diminishes

What's possible for you now? There are so many inner tools to help us live productive lives

Don't overcomplicate it.

Learning to manage your inner critic effectively and developing an influential inner mentor will enable you to get new results.

Realising you're in the “waiting room” + identifying beliefs that no longer serve you + learning to work alongside your thoughts can = TRANSFORMATIVE change.

Be kind to yourself and move out of your waiting room today

You only get everyday once, SO make it count.

Change is good, transformation is even better



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